


After The Train Crash

by an_amalgamation_of_things



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28668972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/an_amalgamation_of_things/pseuds/an_amalgamation_of_things
Summary: About ten years after the train crash, Susan finds her way back to Narnia
Kudos: 19





	After The Train Crash

After the train crash, Susan threw herself into acting. It seemed easier to her to pretend to be someone else than to have to deal with her life and grief. Everyone was amazed with how many layers she could add to her characters. A woman who suddenly finds herself living in a strange land, a young girl forced to fight in a vicious battle, a noble and loved queen.

“Where do you pull your inspiration from?” “Your characters are all so realistic, it truely feels like you’ve lived them all!” they would say.

Susan would shrug and say she didn’t know. It must have been from books she had read and films she had seen. She was just acting. After all, in her mind, she had never lived those lives. There were flashes of similarity to the games she played with Peter, Edmund and Lucy when they were younger, but she was just Susan Pevensie. She hadn’t been anything else when she was younger and they were alive. Now she was an orphan. Her siblings dead. Alone.

It took a long time, but acting - doing something she enjoyed - helped and began to heal her. She lived life and married. One day, her husband brought back a wardrobe for the little house that they had bought and needed to furnish. He pulled off the covering and Susan gasped. She knew it! It was the wardrobe that had been in one of the spare rooms of Professor Kirke’s house in the country.  
She tried to ignore it, but the wardrobe pulled at her. She knew it was silly, the remnants of the games they had played as children. They had put all of their clothes away and the wardrobe definitely had a back.

The ‘but what if’ kept gnawing at her until she eventually gave in. She flung open the wardrobe door one afternoon and was met with a sea salt breeze. She breathed in deeply, both in disbelief and delight. Pulling the clothes apart, she could see the familiar sight of the beach below Cair Paravel. She remembered how time never seemed to pass in England, and stepped through the back of the wardrobe. She wouldn’t be missed for a few seconds! She stepped and found herself in the woods which led onto the beach and could hear talking, laughter and song. It seemed familiar, as though she had heard it before.

Unconsciously, she was walking towards the beach and the path that she knew would lead her up the cliffs and to Cair Paravel, but before she made it out of the woods, she saw Him. Aslan. He was walking towards her, away from the castle. She froze, knowing how silly she had been for most of her life. She had missed out on knowing Aslan for so long!  
But he didn’t chastise or scold her. He simply breathed on her, and she knew that she was forgiven. The past was forgotten and it was the here and now that was important.  
Susan didn’t know how long she clung to Aslan, sobbing into his mane. Eventually she pulled away, and he looked into her face again, and she saw how He had been working in her life, even when she didn’t believe that He existed. He was moving things into the correct position even when she thought that He was a figment of her and her sibling’s imagination. She knew that she was loved unconditionally, and even though she had walked away, he was always there, ready to welcome her home with open arms...or paws anyway. It had taken a while, but she had come home at last. Home to Aslan, and home to Narnia.

And then he was gone. He just seemed to disappear into thin air. One moment he was there. The next he wasn’t.  
Susan promised herself that she would go back to England soon, but there was one thing that she wanted to do first. More determinedly this time, she set off for the cliff path.

She made her way to the doors of Cair Paravel, which were wide open for the Narnians to join the coronation and feast and leave as they wished.  
She hadn’t planned to talk to anyone, but just to see her siblings again from afar and then leave. But she almost bumped into Edmund as she crept towards the banqueting hall.

“Sorry!” they both said at the same time. Edmund looked up to see who he had almost walked into.

Susan couldn’t think what to say. Her heart thumped in her chest as she saw her younger brother examining her. She was about to turn and leave when he gasped.

“Su?” he breathed. “Is that you?”

She didn’t know what to do. Her plan had never actually included bumping into and being recognised by one of her siblings. Her eyes stung with tears and a lump in her throat stopped even a whisper escaping her lips. She nodded gently as the tears rolled freely down her face.  
Edmund was suddenly solemn. He looked around, took her hand and led her to one of the deserted side rooms where they were less likely to be disturbed.

Having only just moved into the palace, there wasn’t any furniture or any possessions in this room, which Susan recognised as one of their favourite dining rooms for just the four of them. It was a corner room, with views over both the sea and the countryside. The bay windows would become perfect summer reading spots. She remembered sitting almost back to back with Lucy, quietly reading their different books or just looking out at the scenery and enjoying each other’s company.

She hadn’t known what to expect, but it certainly hadn’t been Ed pulling her into a warm embrace.

“You look like you need a hug!” he whispered into her ear.

And she certainly did. It had been ten years since the train crash, and she had longed for just one more hug. A wedge had been driven between her and her siblings when they had still been alive. After all she thought they were still making up those stories about Narnia and just being silly when they talked about it. They had tried to talk to her but she had insisted on being a grown up and living in the real world, rather than the fantasy of their youth. How stupid she had been!

Edmund just held her as her tears fell unchecked. She didn’t know how long they stood together before she eventually pulled away.

“Thank you,” she managed to say. “I really did need that hug.”

She moved to the window overlooking the ocean.

“What’s going on Su?” Edmund asked softly. “How can you be here and...” he paused trying to find the right phrasing “well, here? Here in this room and in the banquet hall, having just been coronated?”  
He was much more grown up than she remembered him being at 9 years old. He was so young! She was triple his age now!

“I don’t really know Ed.” She said truthfully. “I...I...I messed up.” She said eventually. “I fell away. From you and Lu and Pete, from Aslan and Narnia and well the truth I guess.”

Edmund looked at her steadily. There was no judgment in his face. His name ‘Edmund the Just’ was so appropriate. She had thought it many times before, but had rarely been on the receiving end.  
“You’re here now Su.” He said simply, looking into her eyes. “Just like I am. And I was a traitor to the White Witch.” He didn’t say this as though he was looking for sympathy or a kind word, but because it was the truth. He wasn’t trying to say that what he had done was worse than what she had done, or excuse what either of them had done, but he was reminding her that no matter what they had done, Aslan was there, ready to forgive and continuously loving, whenever they were ready to return and accept it.

And Susan knew it now. She felt whole for the first time in nearly fifteen years. It amazed her that she had ever been able to convince herself that Narnia didn’t exist. That it had just been a childhood game. But she had managed it. Now, though, she remembered and she made a promise to herself to never allow herself to forget again.

Edmund squeezed her hands one more time before dropping them to look out of the window.

“So, where’s the best hiding place to beat Lu at hide and seek?” He asked grinning.

Susan laughed. “You actually made a hiding place for yourself! In a palace full of nooks and crannies, perfect for hiding, you made one. Well several actually.”

Lucy, even when she was a grown woman loved playing hide and seek. It was an excellent way to de-stress after a long day of council meetings or generally ruling Narnia. They always complied with her wishes, sometimes begrudgingly, but always felt a lot lighter after a few games. Ed was looking at her expectantly, with a glint in his eye.

“You’re a brilliant engineer Ed. You somehow managed to create secret passages in the walls. The entrances opened by pushing a specific brick in the wall.”  
Edmund looked impressed.

“This room, we turned into a dining room. It’s a cosy one, just for the four of us if we aren’t entertaining anyone. We put cushions on those bay windows, and they’re great places for reading in the summer. Behind our thrones is a hidden door which leads to the treasure chamber. We keep our most treasured possessions in there: gifts from visitors, the clothes we were wearing when we came through from England, our coronation outfits. The main armoury is at the bottom of the castle next to the stables, so that you can get ready and just ride onto the training field or out to the woods. We’ve all got huge four poster beds. They’re so comfortable that we fall asleep almost immediately most nights.”

She turned to face Edmund, and her eyes were shining again. This time, they were happy tears and her eyes twinkled in her reminiscence.  
“In the winter, we bake cookies in the kitchen; we make hot chocolate and drink it by the fire. We play in the snow and skate on the lake. It doesn’t happen immediately, but the Narnians soon come to love winter too. I think they start to see it through Lucy’s eyes. Her wonder and innocence whenever it snows is just infectious. The dwarves teach us The Great Snow Dance; we never get to be as good as them, but it’s great fun! In the summer, we go camping in the woods. We climb trees and swim in the sea. We have picnics in the meadows with Mr Tumnus and the Beavers. We go sailing and climbing and spend whole nights stargazing. We train and grow strong. We have a great life.” She finished simply.

They stood in silence for a while, just watching the waves break on the shore. The sun began to set when Susan spoke again.

“I ought to go. Thank you, for everything Ed.”

“Anytime Su. Be kind to yourself. Try and forgive yourself. And just live the best life you can. That’s what I’ve been trying to do.” He paused, considering whether he should continue. “What happens to us? Clearly we don’t stay here until we grow old because you wouldn’t be here if that were the case.”

Susan thought for a moment, wondering how much to tell him.

“Time passes differently here, Ed. We actually all grow up and get older here than I am now, apart from Lu, before we end up going back to England.”

“Ahh I see. We must end up being technically the oldest people alive if we live here for so long before going back.” He chuckled briefly, but stopped when he saw her face. “Oh.” he said simply. “All of us?” Susan could just about being herself to nod. Edmund pulled her into another tight hug. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. The hug was enough. It conveyed more than they would have been able to say with words.

“In that case, be doubly kind to yourself.” He pointed a finger at her. “That’s an order.”

Susan couldn’t help but laugh softly. “Thank you.” she said again. She gave him another quick squeeze before turning to leave.

“Wait a minute-” Ed called after her. “Let me go out first. I’ll make sure the coast is clear for you.” He strode across the room, and went to open the door, pausing before his hand reached the handle. “Do you want any food from the banquet?” He asked, a twinkle in his eye.

Susan laughed again. “You know what, I would love some!”

“Wait here a moment.” he said, and slipped out of the room.

She strolled back to the window, and looked back at the shore. It wasn’t long before Ed was back with some glorious looking food. She took the plate from him and began sampling the delectable food. She had forgotten how good Narnian food was! She was savouring a delicious chocolate covered strawberry when Edmund looked at her like he wanted to say something.

“I’ve also got this for you.” he said, drawing a bracelet from his pocket. “I ran into Lucy-“ he explained “- she asked where I had been so I just said I was with someone who needed me.” She wanted me to give this to whoever it was. It was a beautiful bracelet. Simple and elegant, but nothing like anything you would see in England. She knew immediately that it had been made by the dwarves. They were such skilled blacksmiths, that they were always in high demand for everything from elegant jewellery to battle ready swords and armour.

She slipped it on and it fit perfectly on her wrist. She felt the love of Aslan wash over her as she looked down at the metal glinting in the light from the setting sun. “Oh it’s beautiful. Thank Lucy for me, won’t you?”

“Of course I will.”

Susan ate some more of the food before putting the plate down. “I’d better go Ed. Before everyone comes looking for you.”

Edmund nodded, and Susan could see a hint of sadness in his face. “Oh Ed. What is it?”

“I don’t really know Su. I guess I just feel like there’s so much life to live, but in the end we just leave and don’t really make a difference.”

“Ed, we make so much difference! Look at what’s already happened in the short amount of time you’ve been here. You helped defeat the White Witch. You’ve saved so many lives and you’ve barely even started. I’ll tell you a secret; we come back to Narnia. It’s about 1300 Narnian years when we get back here and we are still remembered. The memory of us incites people to rise up and overthrow invading conquers. We aren’t forgotten, any of us, and we make a difference both times. It’s actually that second time we came back to Narnia that you told me about your secret hiding places.”  
Edmund looked at her with tears in his eyes. “Thank you, Su.”

“I’m glad I bumped into you Ed!”

“I’m glad too.”

He pulled a napkin out of his pocket and began moving food from the plate to the napkin. “Here you go. Something for the journey,” he said with a wink. He pulled Susan into another hug before slowing opening the door. “It’s all clear,” he said turning back to look at her.

She walked over to the door, gave him another quick hug and kissed him on the cheek. “Goodbye Ed,” she whispered before quickly walking down the corridor and out of the castle.

Ed was still looking down the empty corridor, when he heard someone calling his name.

“Is everything okay Ed?” Lucy asked coming up to him.

“Everything’s fine, Lu. Come on, let’s go back to the feast.” He put his arms around her and led her back to the banquet hall.

Susan wondered back along the cliff top path, slowly making her way back down to the beach. She felt lighter than she had felt in years and decided to go for a paddle. She slipped off her shoes and stockings, and stepped into the sea. It was beautifully warm, especially considering it had been winter for the last 100 years! She realised that the last time she had been paddling in the sea was when the four of them had been here helping Caspian remove his usurping uncle from power, and that was a long time ago!

After some time standing in the sea, looking out at the great expanse of the ocean, feeling the waves lap at her feet and in the light of the moon, Susan knew it was time for her to return to England. She made her way out of the sea, picked up her shoes, stockings and the napkin of food Edmund had given her, and walked into the woods.  
It didn’t take long until she reached the wardrobe. Looking around her one last time, breathing in the sounds, scents and view of Narnia and trying to imprint them in her mind, she stepped through the wardrobe and found herself in her bedroom in England.


End file.
